Times Chronicle Series Rozaneh Magazine Camden New Journal 20th November 2003 Camden New Journal by Claire Davies http://www.camdennewjournal.co.uk Soheila with daughter Saghi outside their home in Primrose Hill. Soheila Ghodstinat's memoir recounts her escape from Iran, and love, to eventual contentment in Britain. She talks to Claire Davies A Journey to Starland by Soheila Ghodstinat. Vanguard £8.99 THE vagaries of fate bring a smile to the face of Soheila Ghodstinat. She has seen trouble, known both pain and laughter but is here to tell the tale, in this her debut book. Soheila, who now lives with her daughter Saghi in Eton College Road, Primrose Hill, was born in Tehran, the Iraninan capital. It is her journey to freedom that is recounted in A Journey to Starland. 'Starland' is an emblem of hope that recurs throughout the biography - it represents Soheila's fantasy land, a state of mind full of freedom, a place she says she has now arrived at. The story begins when Soheila is 14 years old, worrying about exams, her parents and boys. She loops the naive excitement and confusion of the age into her language - "It was the best feeling that had happened to me ever," she says early on, and at the time you can imagine this is exactly what it was. Daughter Saghi, is in no doubt as to the supremacy of her mother's memory, and it is this memory that serves her so well in the book, making her past prescient and interesting. She said: "When I go back to the past, I can see it and feel myself living it. Because I was the youngest in my family my best friend as a teenager was me. I have always had a very clear sense of myself." Many of Soheila's early memories, and in fact a large portion of the book, concern her love for, and eventual marriage to, Ali - her first love who she first meets in Mashad at the start of the memoir. Ali is a man her parents warned her away from. But Soheila was in love; he held a powerful sway and after marriage became by turns abusive and apologetic. She says: "It was very difficult to go back to some of those years because the memories are so awful. There are some parts of the book I do find difficult to reread, which was tricky when I had to carefully proof every page. But I love the last part, the part that recounts my escape. "It is a bitter sweet tale. When I was young I thought love was everything, now I see it more as infatuation. When I was with Ali all I could see was him, being with him pushed all the negatives to the back of my mind. I do still believe in true love and in love at first sight." Soheila's journey from Iran took her to Argentina and then onto Europe. She has not been back to her birthplace since leaving in 1986. She said: "I have no family there now and I only got my Islamic divorce three years ago. I have unbearable nightmares about going back to Iran, there are so many false hopes of freedom connected to it. I can't go back." It was the loss of her mother that spurred Soheila to begin to write and her long acknowledgement list (her publisher said it was the longest he had ever seen) bears testament to the many family and friends who have touched her life. She says: "I wanted to do something to make my mother proud. I have seen lots of hardships, miracles, love and true friendships and I wanted to share with people the thought that nothing is ever hopeless. "The book can help people to realise that every hardship contains a miracle, has a positive within it and that is the beauty of life." This hopeful outlook is reflected by the poems and sayings in Persian which appear throughout the book. The central inset, which might normally contain photographs of the author's life, contains the abstract artworks of Suzie Delshadian. Soheila says: "I knew I didn't have the right sorts of pictures, that they would just be photographs of me looking miserable, so I chose the paintings instead, these and the poems fit so perfectly with the tale. "It was a long process to get Starland published but I have found, if you have the patience, the things you really want in life will arrive."